just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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