I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
