is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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