I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
