I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize