You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
