i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
