Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
