he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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