Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You made out with two different species that night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
