From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
