i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
