I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
