my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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