your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
