You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
