i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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