This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
