We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
