Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
