i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize