I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
