you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
