what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
