Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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