And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
