a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
