I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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