I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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