Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
