ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
