If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Randomize
