Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
