guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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