Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pappa wants mamma naked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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