I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
