He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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