You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
