So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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