Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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