I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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