i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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