I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize