Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
