Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
