There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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