I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
