My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
