If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
