So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
