Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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