believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
