What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i used baking grease as lip gloss
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We just shotgunned beers for America
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
