Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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