they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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