i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
