Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think i got beer on your cat.
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