I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
