Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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