I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
